Not So Secure Dating Scene

Not So Secure Dating Scene

By: Yadley Turnier

A few weeks ago, I finally binge-watched the popular HBO show Insecure. In just three days, I finished four seasons and fell in love with all of the characters. Yes, some of them may be problematic, unaware, and toxic, but that’s what makes the show so relatable. The show is messy, hilarious, awkward, and just STRAIGHT UP REAL! As these characters navigate issues with their workplace, friends, and adulthood, their love lives seem to always circle back in each episode. As the seasons progress, we see so many aspects of relationships and their different stages. From breakups, to marriages, to hookups and exes, Insecure is probably a story you know all too well.

It’s commonly acknowledged that dating in your twenties is the best of times and the worst of times! I sometimes wonder if dating is what we make of it or if it is just a twisted version of what Drake tells us it is. As if dating wasn’t hard enough, the 2020 season of It Be Like That Sometimes had to throw a pandemic in the mix. Oh, by the way, how’s that quarantine bae doing? Yea, I’m in your business… respectfully. Seriously, though, I think many of us can agree that dating can come with many ups and downs and that’s ok.

My story is something many of you can probably relate to: Being single after leaving a three-year relationship. Like many of you, I had no idea what the next step was going to be. I wasn’t sure how long I needed before “getting back out there” or even if I wanted to get back out there, but after taking some time to heal, I decided to give it a try. I learned many things about myself in the process of dating, things I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t try. I learned that dating is scary! Being emotionally vulnerable was something I was not used to. I was terrified of rejection. I was scared of getting hurt. I was scared of being taken advantage of. It’s like I had relationship PTSD or something. Although I’m still learning from my experiences and mistakes, it has really helped me to be more intentional when dating.

If you’re where I was a year and a half ago, newly single and thinking about getting back into the dating scene, I have your back. Here are four things I learned that might help you feel more confident about dating.

Rule #1 to be a boss ass bi— just kidding!

Don’t stress.

Everyone is so stressed and focused on finding the “perfect person” when they’re young. Just have fun. Date. Meet different types of people. You’ll learn a lot about yourself with every relationship you go through. You learn what you like and what you don’t like, and you’ll even find the things that you thought you wanted, but you don’t want anymore… at least maybe not with that person.

Tricks are for kids.

If someone shows you who they really are or tells you what they want, BELIEVE THEM! If it’s not what you want, save yourself the trouble and walk away. There is no need for you to manipulate the situation at your big age. Don’t lead people on. Be honest. The person will respect you for it. Trust me.

Your ex and their new partner are just a click away on social media. Choose wisely!

Honestly, don’t do it. I REPEAT, DON’T DO IT! This behavior is so common. I can confirm that it’s a trap and you don’t want to get caught… I mean caught up. It’s hard not to be curious or even insecure about seeing your ex move on, but I can also confirm that this habit does not help those insecurities. Accept it and move on. That is the past and it’s time to look toward the future. You know what I call that? GROWTH.

Know your worth.

It’s important to value yourself, your time, and your energy. Not everyone deserves the best parts of you, so be intentional about who you spend your time with. You don’t have to jump into a relationship just to be in one. Prioritize yourself, your mental health, and your wellbeing over anyone or anything else.